Thursday, October 14, 2010
Some questions may be better left unanswered
* Something for the Bay County homeless coalition to consider, with all due credit given to “Audrey” the kitten, who was rescued from a drain pipe at Pier Park last week: What if homeless people tried crawling into pipes beside area businesses and meowing until the fire department could flush them out? Maybe then someone would give them a cute name and take them home.
* People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw wild parties.
* If you download a digital copy of the Quran or an image of a U.S. flag and then you delete it, is that the same thing as buying one and then burning it?
* Can the hard-of-hearing play things by ear?
* They say many hands make light work. So how many hands does it take to change a light bulb?
* Stephen Hawking now says God was not necessary for the Big Bang to have happened, but I think Stephen Hawking’s existence is just more proof there is a God.
* What do French people say instead of “pardon my French”?
* Do you still call them “earthquakes” if you’re on another planet?
* Why is it always Florida that makes the news for its crazier inhabitants? I’d like to point out, for the record, that many of those who make the news while living here were not born here.
* Do desert nomads save for a rainy day?
* If you have skeletons in your closet, can you make no bones about it?
* Why are UFOs visiting Chinese airports so regularly this year? I thought UFOs preferred lonely country roads.
* Who robbed Peter to pay Paul? Mary?
* Who would win in a fight: Captain Kirk or T.J. Hooker?
* Did it occur to the people who, in their arguments against building a cultural center with a mosque in it in New York City, like to point out that “they” condone stoning or oppress women or don’t allow Christians to build churches in countries ruled by Islamic fundamentalists — you’re just pointing out that if we don’t want to be like “them” then we should not have capital punishment, we should support equal rights, and we should let “them” build halls of worship? But then that wasn’t your point, was it?
* If all good things come to an end, do bad things just go on forever?
* A barrel full of monkeys doesn’t sound like much fun. And what do you get if you scrape the bottom of that barrel?
* Would demon possession still be nine-tenths of the law?
* There may be more than one way to skin a cat, but who sits around and figures out that kind of thing?
* Lunch must not be very good if: 1) the best things in life are free, but 2) there is no free lunch.
This was my Sunday column for The News Herald.